Today is yet another day in the life of excruciating pain. I can move on emotionally from the car crashes but I find that there is no way to move on from the physical pain that they have caused.
At 28 years old, I wonder how long my family and I will have to live like this, then I realize......it will never end. Every year it's the same, physical therapy, speech therapy, medications and so on. The treatments create a few months of relief, then the cold months arrive and I am set back and feel myself falling into the pain cycle all over again.
I try to be strong, pretend that it's not there and then BOOM, I am down for days because I push myself too hard.
I try to plaster a smile on to save others the irritation that I feel this causes them. I wonder how long family and friends can truly put up with my complaints of pain. That is why I cover up the pain with a smile and at the end of the day, I'm left with knots in my stomach from the pain I sucked up that day.
This leads me to realize that the general public does not comprehend the way a car crash can permanently change your life. Then creating a trickle down effect b/c your family and friends are also forever changed because of it.
I've been told that when you meet me, I am a vibrant and happy woman. I told a cocktail waitress named Cora my entire story and she said to me, WOW, I would never have known. Cora said, I look at you and see a tall, thin, beautiful and outgoing woman. Then I hear your story and really makes me realize what a strong person you really are. We all have a story...some worse than others.
My driving force is God. He spared my life and most importantly, my fathers. That's another reason I feel guilty if and when I complain.......I am alive and that truly is a gift!